Existential Freedom

I Wonder

2011-10-09T14:48:00.002+05:30

Sometimes I wonder, why I choose to listen to music rather listening to you,

And I wonder why I choose to watch movies rather watching your lovely face.

Probably there is something wrong with me and did I choose that?

Sometimes I wonder, why I choose intoxication from rum rather dive in your eyes,
And I wonder why skimpy models titillate me rather your naïve charm.

Probably there is something wrong with me and did I choose that?

Sometimes I wonder, why I wander lost rather find solace in your arms,
And I wonder why I choose survival of the best rather your loving surrender.
Probably there is something wrong with me and did I choose that?

You know this wonder makes me go crazy rather love you,
And I wonder why you chose me rather someone else better.
Probably there is something wrong with me and did I choose that?

Love fairy

2011-05-03T19:35:00.003+05:30

Fly her back to me, my love fairy,

fly her happy, mind it, but don't worry.

Fly her over the oceans, pacific and blue,

fly her over the snows, but keep her like dew.

Fly her over the countries, cities far away,

fly her over the clouds, but don't loose her way.

Fly her back into my arms, my little princess,

fly her safe, mind it, but don't stress.

Flotsam

2011-04-30T21:51:00.001+05:30

The pawns are moving,

the dice keeps rolling,

a man in solitary house cries.

Pot that I emptied of past,

is waiting in the line for future,

baked throats are never quenched.

My mind a blade of grass,

words form like dew drops,

silence sways with the breeze.

The flotsam appears here,

from the shoreline of thoughts,

sea is clean leaving debri behind.

Pre Monsoon

2011-04-23T12:06:00.001+05:30

Wait.

A big black cloud on a sunny day,

a gust of cold wind in the evening,

I watch the clouds and wait for her,

rains are when we want to be together.

Listen.

The raindrops falling on mango leaves,

her floating wet footsteps on the red verandah,

Sparrows in the water taking a bath,

Kids near the stream with paper boats.

Laugh.

The pre-monsoon showers with tumultuous pomp,

hitting sideways on the window panes,

everyone in a rush to avoid the outpour,

The ones who get hit, soaked and tickled.

Quiet.

Days and night roll into each other,

watching and listening and getting drenched.

She stretches her arms and looks above,

I see her dance and colors of rainbow.

2011-04-09T20:32:00.003+05:30

She wakes up from a dreamless sleep,

Empty bed to stare, no one to caress her hair.

Missing his cuddle, just a pillow to huddle.

Morning coffee to brew, memories in a stew.

Walks away to office, with a nice flying kiss.

A lonely silly boy in a land far away,

Waits in the window, watching his beau.

Her lips so red, makes the morning Sun fade.

His insides in a curl, missing his pretty girl.

Still in a trance, treasuring her parting glance.

2010-11-02T00:47:00.002+05:30

The year drags ,
to the end and November.
She gets married.

Bridge

2010-09-19T23:14:00.004+05:30

She came along and beckoned the dreams, of places to go, people to meet,
Another weary traveler I said, playing peek-a-boo, with her metal steed.

She asked questions, how far to go and with questions, answers should follow,
I collected symbols, unaware and if you wonder, definitions become hollow.

The thumps roared and they fizzled, some better roads and some not nice,
The solstices rose and equinoxes fell, sometimes together and alone otherwise.

The roads we took and the talks we shared espied the same destiny,
The math she did and the score I wrote chimed the same harmony.

Time travelers that we are, seeing a road in the rear and another ahead,
We sit still in the present, bridging the gap and minding the head.

Longing...

2010-09-03T02:37:00.000+05:30

Once my father bought me an air balloon and I clutched it firmly. Amidst the festivities all around, my fist loosened up. The balloon kept going high up till I saw the last glimpse of that red dot through my watery eyes. I wouldn’t do with the replacement balloon my father got, I wanted the same one. And the longing began. Time replaced the balloon with situations, opportunities, the misty mountains and a lost grandfather. A variance of longings alike the various fears gripped me. I understood that the ultimate fear is that of death and rest all are the variations of it but then what about the longing?

God does not play dice..

2010-05-19T23:37:00.002+05:30

There are some places which cannot be reached by thought. Some say we need to experience them.
God may not be playing dice but God is playing something for sure. How much ever "probable" this "reality" seems to be, the game is definitely on. My move chief?

2010-04-11T23:08:00.000+05:30

We are never conscious about the magnitude and magnificence of the things happening all around us in the background. Like the beautiful Sunrise in Matrix after the night the war ended, the jacarandas in full bloom in blistering heat, thousands of network elements silently working in closets to enable the communication. Just another day huh?

2010-03-24T23:40:00.000+05:30

The forms will lead you to the formless and back again to find it in every form. Coming back from a journey with loads of gifts. She smiles once again and I am aware, now.

The myth of Sisyphus

2010-03-20T00:42:00.003+05:30

I hold onto it like the closely guarded secret, close to my heart and closed fist. Probably it has to do something with the fact that it does not exist or it is so feeble, fragile that if you just let out a whisper, it will vanish in the thin air. It keeps them amused though.

They look at Sisyphus and are happy to know that he finds happiness, in the absurdity. But Sisyphus had nothing to do with it, the happiness part nor the absurdity. He was just another Mongolian horse, running around. And I believe he did it because it made them happy, by believing that he was happy, fulfilled. The myth of Sisyphus lives on.

2010-03-07T21:05:00.002+05:30

With time, like galaxies the distance between people keeps expanding. Having some matter helps it slow down (or reverse probably?).

2010-02-06T16:09:00.002+05:30

You have to be very careful with wisdom at times; irrationality might dub you as an irrational.

2010-01-10T01:32:00.011+05:30

One evening I saw,
Sun withdrawing its rays-
a lonely child sulks.

2009-12-30T00:30:00.002+05:30

There was this dream again and the message strange yet familiar, "follow the white rabbit". Many follow the material, few the immaterial.

2009-11-29T19:37:00.003+05:30

She would never pluck a flower from her garden and her reason was much more amusing. She said the flowers looked beautiful on the plants. I saw all the beautiful flowers from her garden blossom and wilt on the branches they swung and sang in their natural tendencies. And so it went for her love as well. It was never consummated. She never decorated it with any semblance of togetherness or union.

I would never believe her till that day. I happened to open one such corner of my mind and it felt like entering a room locked up for centuries. The flowers inside here were hers and the fragrance was so deep and reverberating that I dropped to knees. I lost myself in that agonizing rapture and understood her love for once. I should have not opened the room, she never meant me to.

2009-11-08T02:27:00.004+05:30

Another horizon beckons and you run for it. Then another and you run till you realize that you have been running in circles. You might start to believe that this is absurd? But trust me, it isn't, running is a very good exercise; running is a very good experience. Is it a Verb? I guess it should be Noun; an endless cycle of personal reincarnations.

2009-10-10T18:59:00.004+05:30

Déjà vu, they changed the Matrix yesterday. Where there was a big pothole, they filled it up with finely grounded stone dust and I had a great great fall. It dented Mastani’s precious and pearly fuel tank and my aura of invincibility with it. The fall left bruises on my hand and leg and somewhere deep on my psyche. I wondered; the cellular level evolution is not keeping pace with the social and intellectual evolutions happening around. A standalone gene will not survive but a mime might. Mind is running at a phenomenal pace, crossing big hurdles and going guns in leaps and bounds. Body can’t keep up with it, looks feeble. We need implants, we need Cyborgs.

For now, I guess bruises are good. I asked few of my friends about when was the last time they got bruises. None could remember. Biology heals itself and I gave it a challenge. If you don’t use it, you loose it.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger – Nietzsche.

2009-09-28T23:53:00.003+05:30

I wish to tell you, so much, heartfelt tales and more,

The longings, wishful dreaming and emotions downpour.

I smell your breaths still fragrant, your sounds reverberate,

A flash of hope, in grasping reach, seemingly inveterate.

My sweet love, you are my paradox and yet simplified,

The forms we took, together, complex and yet vitrified.

So complicated are the compromises, we suffer, we render,

Like jewelry, decorating the wounds, still tender.

2009-08-18T12:44:00.002+05:30

He disappeared right in front of my eyes. A flash of bright light and I am back again to my darkness. The foreboding of events is much scarier than the events themselves. I knew that I am turning a corner and his glimpse will fade slowly from corner of my eyes.

He still smiles peacefully. His premonitions are about happiness and about purpose fulfilled. He knows that the path is never strewn with virtues unexpressed.

2009-08-17T14:50:00.006+05:30

Uncertainty has its own charm. It is amusing to watch things getting revealed slowly, the magic unfolding. It is not the pleasure you snatch right away but savor it leisurely, delayed gratification. She took it for fact whereas it was just a fiction; a sublime thought that occurred in that state of mind. Water is not precious to one who has just quaffed his share but to the desert man who wandered around looking for it, half dead, fully baked.

Same again, simplicity has a charm that no one can destroy and no one can harm, finding simplicity in complications is transcending every limit.

2009-08-16T06:53:00.006+05:30

The waning crescent of the moon, fresh in the morning looks like vermillion on her forehead, my waxing beauty. She fills it with glory, I feel it with love.

2009-08-09T11:07:00.001+05:30

It is very amusing to wake up one fine day in a totally different city. The faces in the crowd look unfamiliar, strange, unlike the ones you see in your own town, known unknowns. Insides apprehensive, a stray dog drifted far off. Alien smells, clatter and chatter. Identity lost in impressions, unity achieved from innate connections.

2009-08-07T01:12:00.003+05:30

The dots are getting connected, revealing the line which fades away slowly into oblivion. Cipher was correct when Trinity was talking about being free; there is no freedom in the real world as well. Freedom is an experience, whether you are inside the Matrix or otherwise, freedom is a choice less paradigm, choice not to complete, to just be.

Not the line but the dots are intriguing. I see the same darkness in her luminous bright eyes, of being hurt, betrayed. The shadows still haunt her, so much that the compromises look like better deals, vehement, to get even. It is not about the object she is going to acquire but the jealously of lost things that drives her. Her eyes talk about it, her bangles roll and her muted suspicion is ostensible. Yet, for me the history for the first time is static, it just showed me a mirror, ironic and familiar. That is where I fear connecting the dots.

I believe I will take the red pill. The choice is already made; I am here to understand why.

2009-03-14T02:02:00.001+05:30

And finally the moment arrived. HE appeared in front of me and said “My Son, what is that you are looking for? Ask for it and your wish will be granted”. I was so engrossed in the present, the now that I replied “Can I have one matchstick please?”

Mongolian horse..

2008-12-29T23:30:00.005+05:30

I trotted the endless steppes like a Mongolian horse without a master Khan riding it. There was a start of spring cold in the air and vast blue sky watching over the equally vast green landscape. I kept dotting the vastness with my minute steps appearing at random locations in the frame. If you stopped for a moment and tried to just be in there, there is no escaping the loneliness, which is ironical, pleasant and yet vacant. Solitude does not shrink you in such cases, it expands to fill the infinite space around you.

Then you wonder, is the wanderlust dying out? Why to go outside when all you find is your insides spread all across. Vagrant thoughts finally give way to apparent, noticeable ones. The mindless brush strokes of leaves on canvas of air becomes still like a sculpted clay artifact. Where there was randomness, a pattern appears with a mosaic of symbols and connections. You stumble upon the fundamental particle and...after a fleeting look at it, throw it away.

Why is that you never get a signal or an intimation or even a slightest hint that this is it? This is the moment, the person, the impression that you have been looking for, sometimes earnestly or unconsciously. It makes you question, deliberate, is there really something like providence, a game plan, a correlation that is working underneath the intricate and complex mesh of unknowns. Or is it just an incoherent buzz of activities? Once a wise student of history candidly mentioned that history is just one f*king thing after another. Isn’t he right? Did the creators or inventors of history work according to some pre-cognized strategy? I believe not. It was just a series of random events where one lead to another. It’s the historian who provides or manifests the coherence, adds a meaning or purpose to things that happened. If history in actuality has its fair share of incoherence so should the present.

You understand that there is no such thing called the fundamental particle. Even if your inward, outward searches lead to it, it is just a vagary of perception. Mongolian horses are supposed to keep running till their legs fall apart.

2008-12-23T00:35:00.000+05:30

I felt very lonely today, absolutely lonely. Why is it that when a dear friend bids farewell, we feel as if this is it and we might not see each other again - for a long time, if fortunate. We are time travelers and that too linear, even if you believe otherwise. Counting on impressions to say mind is timeless, might be like a lifeless piece of wood fondly remembering its blossoming days. Time moves on, steadily filling the voids in us with mundane stuff and mostly vague sorrows stemming out of same impressions we have been collecting in time. Does this remind of something else? Yes, six years since that time, she has multiplied and I have been divided into inconsequential fragments.

2008-01-20T17:12:00.002+05:30

She is very weak when it comes to temptations but a very strong one when it is about addictions.
You cannot resist when he tempts you and then you strongly dissolve yourself in his love. And then every morning you again yearn for purity of life and the higher purposes with a warm slither still in your mind. Now there again is a temptation for self pity, disillusion and you get strongly attached to them. The path is strayed by one more angular curve further away into the thickets.

manOBuddhyahankAra chittAni nAham
na cha SrOtrajinhvE na cha ghrANanEtrE|
na cha vyOma bhoomirna tEjO na vAyu:
chidAnandaroopa: ShivOham ShivOham||

I am not the mind, intellect, ego, or memory;
nor the ear or tongue; nor the nose nor eye;
nor the space, earth, fire, or air (and water),
I am of the nature of Pure Consciousness-Bliss-Absolute, I am Shiva, I am Shiva.
--Nirvana shatakam, AdiShankaracharya.

It is not because we share illusions that we are best friends but because that we are best friends, we share illusions.

The night of first rains

2008-01-13T16:07:00.001+05:30

I still remember you there in the kitchen, hair neat and tidy all pinned up,
I kept hovering around, feeling and kissing you while sweetness piled up.

I still feel your touch and the magic, it blossomed my leafless branches,
More than your divine beauty, I loved your love for me, beatific and selfless.

I still whisper the pillow talks in the evenings when we were both listless and blue,
I wish the evenings were longer and lovelier and painted with an Icelandic hue.

I still visit the corner on the street you took that turn, now and more again,
You are no where to be seen, nor your shadows, I only have a snapshot ingrained.

I still play your favorite oldies and keep waiting for you to sing along,
You are not going to rhyme the melody and the vocals seem all void and shallow.

I still remember the day when we parted and I kept watching till you disappear,
I mourn, agonize the present moments and know, the night of first rains is over.

2008-01-06T16:51:00.000+05:30

Kids going home from school never walk straight. Their steps are wayward, meandering through random diversions and their treasures, innumerable and intriguing; a trinket here, a butterfly there, a branch, a twig, a little puppy to play with, a chameleon, goats & cows, stones & sticks, the grandpa who gives away sweets. The way to school is the shortest path, but the return journey feels like the shortest time. Your parents have already warned you about the journey home, “come straight to home from school don’t wander around”.

You have been the same kid walking to home from school for many years now. Your collections in all the unintended aberrations were the baubles & the bubbles, sensations & impressions that in equal randomness chose you. But the home draws near now and the labyrinth will untangle itself and yield to the gripping coercion of conventional rituals. I dearly wish for a tomorrow and a hope for you to keep drifting on the path again. Its more ecstatic to repeat mistakes than to walk straight.

2007-12-30T20:10:00.001+05:30

The travel was soon over. Things were quite normal till she deserted you, like you did to the bus and the travel. She grabbed one of her most precious possessions and proudly walked along. Her eyes twinkled when she announced her next deserved possession which you knew, she did not know yet but that she knew that she had things in control. She mocked you, holding her current possession close to heart. She already considered her your master. Remember it was she who taught you about passions, love, lust, agony, hatred and vengeance.

You took the same path to office as usual. He still sat there in the roadside dirt, torn dusty clothes and shining white eyes. He watched you intently as you walked past. He mocked you everyday with his minimalist demeanor. You knew that he was the Guru you always believed you were looking for and he was aware that you were the disciple who is yet to surrender. You kept walking through it everyday.

You keep trudging along unaltered by realities you come across. Bikers always have two side views, the left and the right but what matters is the road in front of them. The onslaught of rationality and the opposites nullify every choice you make. This balances the equation but does nothing to you. It is an imperfection in you, an anomaly that drives you, keeps you moving on, drags you in & out of despair, and scythes you till you bleed yourselves out.

And then he will arrive as a flash of lightening and white darkness, you will stray in thoughts, space and time. But she will arrive as well and acquire you as her latest possession and rest your head in her comforting lap. That balances you now and both of them plan there next target.

Bliss, Perfection, Death, no more straying thoughts.

2007-12-21T16:15:00.000+05:30

Bad roads don’t last longer and nor do good roads, destinations perish with time and so do the travelers but the journey continues.....

2007-06-30T19:15:00.000+05:30

We seldom find very beautiful Indians. I believe we are built more like tools, for utility purposes. We get basic peripherals and sensory organs and can perform all physiological exercises very well. What else do we need? This probably also explains the service orientation.

*Beautiful is a single word which includes many different variations.

2007-06-14T21:53:00.000+05:30

So what, even the Universe, life and stuff started with a BIG Bang…

The Others...

2007-04-24T22:53:00.000+05:30

A whiff of air brings her perfumed smell back to me. She wins one more battle today and I have some mud slung on me. I derive a satisfaction from it though. I know, it’s the history which is reeking foul things one after another as a retribution to fulfill some ones unasked and yet desired wish for a cursed life. I always have to visit the ruins in my life; like this, as a tourist. But these are not ruins of past grandeur, grandeur never existed; there were only ruins from the beginning.

I always shrugged it off as worthlessness in futility. Worthiness was never the purpose or the end which we were heading towards but today it makes me question-what if we were supposed to be doing what others, as supposed, are supposedly doing?

But I choose to remember only the lazy Sun lingering over the horizon on a Sunday evening, woods and the hammock, my impressions running amuck. It was non-belief in mythos which drove Phaedrus crazy where I imagine the craziness driving the future logos. I will recite Kabir today “Bhala hua meri mataki footi re, main to paiya bharan se chooti re”. (Thank goodness my earthen vessel shattered to pieces, I shall now be spared of the futile and illusive exercise of fetching and storing water)

Her dopatta fluttered with that gush. She walked out of the gate and it shut close. She was never supposed to turn back and stop there but I am supposed to stare at the closed gate and probably I don’t even have a choice.

Measure of rain.

2007-04-06T22:01:00.000+05:30

And they always measure rain in millimeters.

I measure it in innumerable metaphors, a kaleidoscope of impressions.
The hurried pace towards a shelter and camaraderie in diversifications.

I measure it in the silver striking, pitter patter and a sudden pour,
The earthy smell, tickling sensation and a chuckle amore.

I measure it in the mossy milestones, green destinations,
The magical cuddle, the youthful joy and brave new generations.

I measure it in happiness of a kid, who missed its school,
The calling of pals, paper boats and lolling in a mud pool.

I measure it in the feminine sensitivity, the Radha Rani,
Ever blissful companion, Lord Krishna and his pleasure potency.

And they still measure rain in millimeters, only,
I measure it in number of summer moments spent waiting, lonely.

We are back again...

2007-04-01T14:48:00.000+05:30

A tiny dot on the map gets converted into a busy-busy village. I remember a town of lakes and boats, frolicking kids and goats. The map becomes alive and you have tea stalls, barbers and dusty roads. I then remember that we are back again, me and my wander thirst.

I see a solitary Drongo flying from the wire fence to the yellow hay fields, the Bea-eaters lining up, Babblers and Barbettes making it a soothing rhythm. Then sometimes you just have to stop and let the flock of sheep cross the road and smile back at the shepherd whose curious little face wonders about life in its pristine form.

Last time, she was with me - her smile, pranks and hair caressing her face. We talked about the people, dogs and things. We talked about simulations and reality while I carefully navigated thru the potholed road. She reminded me about lust, vengeance, passion, hatred and togetherness. I kept nodding my head, buried in the helmet.

I kept moving on and playing the tiny dot getting converted into village game. I blinked and shouted like a kid each time it happened. I remember that the Sunflowers still face the Sun even if you have a high rise building next to it. The river seeps thru the concrete blocks and even the cattle-stock is aware about it, it’s their meeting time at the watering hole. I remember that the nature is way too busy and industrious to be overtaken by anyone.

I realize that I am going nowhere since some time now. But was it ever about going somewhere or being the fastest person to cover point A to B or did I ever worry about an objective. I kept riding, nevertheless. I remember, life is a highway.

2007-02-25T21:51:00.000+05:30

Nachi and People,

This blog goes offline for a while. I'll be back ;-)

Outside.

2007-02-25T11:20:00.001+05:30

Freedom is an illusion you have when you keep looking outside.

Depth.

2007-02-25T11:12:00.000+05:30

I have my roots in the country side, smell of sophistication nauseates me.
I have had chaotic times, organization disorients me.

I always let the senses imprint their data on my mind and not vice versa.
I have waded my way thru murkier waters, tranquility disturbs me.

I follow my path ignoring my well being and anything else that matters.
I have some but nothing to tell about my heroics, recognition disparages me.

I love everyone, respect them for what they are, as an equal and have no prejudices.
I keep faltering in the friendless world, affection smothers me.

I am cleverer in the idiots’ world, real gold to some who hopes to find fools gold the least.
I will keep losing everywhere and every time, victory mortifies me.

I keep trying reason every time, conscious about every choice I make and feel the balance.
I will keep living like an intrinsic blind man’s dream, depth shallows me.

Update: VM says, I will keep blabbering in my life, sensibility avoids me ;-)
I like that!!

2007-01-29T21:32:00.000+05:30

We Hindus re-incarnate to repeat the same mistakes we committed in the last one.

Update: VM says if we stop making mistakes we won't reincarnate.

2007-01-29T21:31:00.000+05:30

It was a journey to a dusty town on weathered roads with raucous co-passengers. This fellow prods me “So, what do you do”. I always interpret this question, most probably correctly, as “Who are you” and to myself as “Who am I”. I answer, “I travel”. We are sitting in a bus now, so what else can we be except travelers. How will “who are you in the outside” matter.

I saw two goats fighting each other for supremacy and control while being transported to a slaughter house in a crammed bus.

2007-01-25T19:20:00.000+05:30

Losses are mounting high and my abandon has become more vicious and vitriolic. It is time to go down one more layer of stratum, where I shed another vestige of illusion. I was writing a very wonderful travelogue, citing all the impressions I was carrying, of infinite number of riding moments. While crossing that river I knew it is not going to matter anymore and not any further. I laughed at that realization for a while and tossed the notepad and pen I carried in the flowing waters. I leave you now, you release me and we shouldn't look back.

Singularity Hunter.

2007-01-21T18:55:00.000+05:30

Aha, I am a singularity hunter. It’s not only about black-hole radiations but also about a by-pass ring road around a city. I stood upon that point once, when the destination was shown in the left and in the right direction as well. It was contradictory and yet true at the same time. It was never about the number line but a number circle. Circle of singularities, negative infinity and positive, both always equal in magnitude, sitting on contradictory arcs and yet ending up being the same. Is it not about human emotions, the reality and the love --innumerable singularities and myriad black holes?

It is when I realized that she always wanted to understand everything, interpret them, class them as type A or B or plainly speaking make sense, I stood on an another arc. I wanted to forget about everything I understood till now, abandon beliefs and make no sense at all. I always hunted for singularities and just be there. And yet we are good friends, we make the circle complete.

Bodhisattva.

2007-01-14T21:22:00.000+05:30

I am wearing a cilice now, sometime back it used to be a mere splinter. Mental faculties are overpowered and senses filled with the visuals and smells, again. Irony is not the thorn-prick but the pleasure associated. Like an Existentialist loosing its existence and pseudo essence as well but with exuberance, however irrational. I crash into a heavy vehicle while I ride into it, lightening strikes on my physical existence. And I want it more, more intense. Take me higher and make me go the full circle. Let it shed my possessions and even the illusions. I will start walking from the point of no return. I will exist, I will survive, but not as me again.

2007-01-11T16:13:00.000+05:30

For that one moment in time, I wanted to believe in God. The variables that I could not control were overwhelming. God!!

...and Simulations.

2007-01-11T12:02:00.000+05:30

Another day comes to an end, she runs the simulation and I put on my blinds.
My illusion about unreal becomes real and her simulation is feigned.

N number of times have I warned myself not to live in a fallacious world...
I don’t understand why she needs to simulate one when fallacies are all around us.

In an insane quest for intelligence I managed to cloak the wisdom.
Though her symptoms are no different, she is just wise enough to hide.

I always wanted to protect her from reality that cleaves us every now and then,
But her fears were unreal, non-physical and my shield became translucent.

Something’s cannot be interpreted or understood and best left veiled.
It is a splinter in the convolutions of mind, like pin-pricks to existence.

“The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth
--it is the truth which conceals that there is none*.”

Rangoli of Life.

2007-01-06T23:34:00.000+05:30

I do not want you to paint it for me. I will paint it myself with strong colors and beautiful emotions.

Imagine a mauve streak on a beige bark, steaming black coffee in a rum dark. Drenched embrace and tart lips, just a few moments for the bus to leave. A lightening strike in a rain cloud, a hibiscus flower on sky blue background. New born kid of a spotted deer, first flight of a paradise flycatcher. Like kids going home from school, cattle stock returning back from meadows.

Solitude melts in dark colors these days. All I ask is a few colors from you.

Reflections 2006.

2007-01-05T21:38:00.001+05:30

I should understand the difference between real and pipe dreams now on. I found something new to experience, another toy to keep me busy. Greatest hope always springs from deepest despair. Only darkness has the ability to show things that light cannot.

2006-12-21T19:36:00.001+05:30

The happy state which effuses out of crazy minds portrays very bizarre expressions. It is like coming back to a bright light source from shadows and darkness.

2006-12-19T12:10:00.000+05:30

I am an optimist who is happy to see a bus half empty.

2006-12-19T12:01:00.000+05:30

There was something bewitching in the air yesterday evening. A soft hush and a very thin mist, and she stood there amidst a stew of emotions. I likened it to a lively spirit being kindled to fire inside a comforting womb. Much to her paradoxical state, I enjoyed falling apart.

Impressions

2006-12-08T22:18:00.000+05:30

The question was unusual and so should the answer be. He asked me what I collect as hobby. I smirked and replied that I collect impressions, I collect memories. Impressions that mesmerize, enthrall and haunt me. Like the first rain ones, the ones while riding and the ones I feared. These impressions are always a vivid package of sensory experience. Touch, smell, sounds and colors. I remember a friend’s birthday party, I remember the two lamps that he had in his room, one tall and another taller and the interplay between them.

My most favorite pastime then becomes to browse, keep arranging and inter-relating these impressions. And loosing people or places is not as painful as letting go of some impressions. I keep holding onto them as dearly as if they were the only possessions I have.

Same is with future impressions, dreams. They have to be very detailed. In my dreams I tie my shoelaces, always remember to park my bike properly, choose a place which faces west towards the setting Sun. This exercise has to become very real, something equivalent to the one we *experience*. Remember the only pain comes from acting towards fulfilling those visions. If happiness comes from fulfillment, I can derive it merely from experiencing virtually. (terse)

I love you*

2006-12-08T22:17:00.000+05:30

I love you for Love only and not for me or you. My love is not only a state of mind but the only state. It is an amalgamation, you, me and Love indistinguishable. If it is so, do I love you?

Enlightened Selfishness.

2006-11-13T21:39:00.000+05:30

Just yesterday we were discussing about the IT sector being spared by extortionists and today the news of Adobe CEO’s child being abducted shook the whole IT world. Way to go India and that was a very good show. The small time muggings were definitely not enough and things were not expected to stop there. After the non-political affluent class of film stars and constructors-realtors', the IT fellows might be on the underworld radar now.

I think the techno-scientific guys can no longer remain in an “enlightened selfishness” state. The problem solving has already crossed borders from the core competency into social reformation, corruption, infrastructure issues, political casteism and now there is this threat from extortion to further worsen the portfolio. What else do you want now probably more tax for protection purposes.

The worse is yet to come. With people like Abu Salem wanting to contest elections, things look more frustrating. I heard a fellow saying that if Salem wins the election, he might consider immigrating to North Korea.(Mixed)

Yesterdays Men are today’s Orks.

2006-11-07T21:45:00.000+05:30

She was mamma’s blue eyed girl, now choked to blue,
And yet her blissfully unaware body told no woe,

She a benumbed mortal, had no name but a number,
And rest of us writhed while she slept a deep slumber,

His instincts were wraith, hounding her corpus unrelenting,
His virtues corrupt, cragged and shamelessly un-repenting,

It is when effervescent spirits putrefied in morgues,
I realized that yesterdays Men are today’s Orks.

I write this in a very mixed and confused state. I feel a deep pain when I watch some wrong happening. I keep feeling stupid, powerless and a mute witness. Somehow I feel that I am that wraith. How could we be sure of difference between Orks and Men when simply someone won. And most probably I feel it were Orcs.

The man's too strong.

2006-11-06T21:29:00.000+05:30

I read about Saddam Hussein being sentenced to death and noticed that I was playing Dire Strait’s Brothers in Arms track “The man’s too strong”. I wonder if he is making any confessions.

Off-beat, this happens to be my 100th (s)crap post ;-) do I get something for it.
Most posts came on Friday and weekends. The last 3 started with I.

Classically Romantic.

2006-11-06T21:01:00.000+05:30

I have been scouting for a Digital SLR camera lately. It made me go thru a lot of reviews, forums, experiences and technical specifications. I spent almost 3 months analyzing various DSLRs’ on various aspects like Technical, Aesthetic and Economic. I compared Image Quality (IQ) charts, Sensor responses and other technical aspects of a DSLR.

Yesterday was the first time I handled a DSLR and it felt totally different than how it looked on paper or how I mentally projected it. It was a practical insight into the process of decision making which we are already aware of. But for me it was a very personal and enriching experience.

We are back at Classical and Romantic thinking and a fine balance between them. Technical, on board analysis shows you only the half truth. It is the hands-on that makes the whole process complete. If one observes a metal cube kept on a table, the classical guy might ask for its dimensions, density, material is it made up of and its weight whereas a romantic guy might go and touch it, smell it and check its color. These two processes do not compete but complement each other. Both of them give you a very different perspective of the same thing. Intellectual realization is hollow without any experience.

I think the key here is to toggle successfully between thinking and feeling modes. Making the right choice anyways is not going to get any easier. In the end we are just human ;-) fickle minds and vagrant instincts.

Lonely Places.

2006-11-05T21:57:00.000+05:30

I am currently reading Pico Iyer’s “Falling of the Map” where he explores “lonely” places of the world like North Korea, Iceland and Bhutan. That set me thinking about India and the same question, do we also qualify as a lonely nation? You tell me that when we are already 1 billion+ and have a vibrant open culture; not to mention the onset of globalization. There is not even a single moment when you bump into at-least 10-15 people or see a multitude of human forms engaged in some sort of physiological exercises. The same is with ideas, technology and socio-economic awareness.

But I feel that makes each one of us a loner, to be specific a dangerous species of gregarious loners. India as a whole is always an idea, an experience but it always manifests itself as an individual. We are a billion strong group of lonely people. I believe it is true for Socialist or Capitalist democracies and I can say I have experienced it.

Rational vs Biological Man.

2006-11-03T22:31:00.000+05:30

There is a rational man and there is this biological man. Though rational man is primarily a biological man, I am currently practicing to rationally live as a biological man. Too much analysis, I *think* alienates the biological *thought* process. I need to reconnect back.

The moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing.
--Eric Berne

2006-11-03T22:20:00.000+05:30

Please don't go away and make me realize that actually I can do without you.

Multitasking and Women.

2006-10-27T20:34:00.000+05:30

Women are good at multitasking and it is definitely a plus-plus; but choosing which tasks to do simultaneously is not everyone’s forte. Applying make-up while on call and trying to tune into your favorite radio station and all this while driving is definitely not the way it is done :) even if you talk about micro-multitasking.

2006-10-27T20:26:00.000+05:30

Crazy people drive insanity and not the other way round.

Diwali.

2006-10-21T08:25:00.000+05:30

Image Source.

ॐ पूर्णमदः पूर्णमिदं पूर्णात् पूर्णमुदच्यते ।
पूर्णस्य पूर्णमादाय पूर्णमेवावशिष्यते ॥
ॐ शांतिः शांतिः शांतिः ॥

I wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous Diwali with this peace invocation from Isavasya Upanishad. Let us all go from completeness to completeness, fulfillment to fulfillment, peacefulness to peacefulness and always be complete, fulfilled and peaceful.

Eligo Ergo Sum.

2006-10-18T13:02:00.000+05:30

I think therefore I am, cogito ergo sum changed to I choose therefore I am, eligo ergo sum to I choose therefore I exist. I was happy to have this revelation and happier to know that these sayings were most probably attributed to Søren Kierkegaard.

I am a Man.

2006-10-15T15:02:00.000+05:30

Image Source.

Fyodor Dostoevsky,
Notes from the Underground(eText link)

Found this truly awesome poster of Fyodor and needless to say, there is nothing much to say here.

“For what is man without desires, without free will, and without the power of choice but a stop in an organ pipe?”

“To be human being among human beings, and remain one forever, no matter what misfortune befalls, not to become depressed, and not to falter—this is what life is, herein lies its task.”

The Scream.

2006-10-06T21:56:00.000+05:30

Image Courtesy: ibiblio

She seemed fine and not only joyous, but joyous “as usual”.
But I could see it thru.
I saw the dagger she kept concealed;
stabbed mercilessly in her back, blood congealed.

She kept saying I need to do this n’ I need to do that.
I asked her since when did this “You” started to be in you,
Just brush off the doer-ship and find that
there was always “I” in you and will always be.

I felt her eyes moist as a rain-cloud and,
Then in my arms she wept bereft; journey weary,
I stayed unmoved like a drenched Bushman in deep Kalahari.

I could have cleaned the clots and removed the blade,
I knew it was her identity and devoid it she will bleed to death.

Yeh jo Desh hai tera Swades hai tera

2006-10-02T15:17:00.000+05:30

Yeh jo Desh hai tera Swades hai tera. Single line inspiring a single nation. Apni Chaukhat ka diya and lighting neighbors’ house.

Nationality, Nations, Republic and Patriotism all are but some abstract ideas which shadow the much real spirit of Humanity running beneath them. Working on some cutting edge technological research in some US university and being a faculty member in some rural Indian school are one and the same. It is us who created nationalities, divided people on basis of color, cast or impact they create when nothing like that really existed except in some perverts’ mind. Think this in an idealistic state of mind and you will feel that it is the truth. Take it to a grand scale of events and you will again find it revealed.

But this is not the real time for it, India does not need any more idealists; she needs some real action orientation. I would choose to work for equality in India than contribute to science and technology effort elsewhere. The time for ideal thinking is not in yet. Yes nations do exist and then there are some rich nations and some third world nations. There is a big division based on caste. Inaction due to lack of knowledge or even which comes out of knowledge is not going to change anything. Inaction sounds synonymous to irresponsibility.

There was this dragonfly which got arrested within our canteens all-glassed building. I saw it struggle for 2 days sans food, sans water. I thought cant this bugger see the difference between the real world and the world as seen thru the glass wall, cant it find an exit for itself. But it couldn’t. The solution was to grab it by its wings and set it free. I felt that we all are like that dragonfly and everyone has their own view thru a glass wall. Everyone amongst us needs someone to grab our wings and show us the real world, free and equal. Let us be the one for the one who seeks it. Let us remind ourselves of the great mantra from Bapu “There are many things to do. Let each one of us choose our task and stick to it through thick and thin. Let us not think of the vastness. But let us pick up that portion which we can handle best” and some real inspiration from Sawarkar, Ne Majasi ne Parat Matrabhumila.

ने मजसी ने परत मातृभूमीला, सागरा, प्राण तळमळला
भूमातेच्या चरणतला तुज धूता, मी नित्य पाहीला होता

मज वदलासी अन्य देशी चल जाऊ, सृष्टिची विविधता पाहू

जरि उद्धरणी, व्यय न तिच्या हो साचा, हा व्यर्थ भार विद्येचा

नभि नक्षत्रे बहुत, एक परी प्यारा मज भरत भूमिचा तारा
प्रसाद इथे भव्य, परी मज भारी आईची झोपडी प्यारी
तिजवीण नको राज्य, मज प्रियसाचा वनवास तिच्या जरि वनीचा

तरि आंग्लभूमि भयभीता रे, अबला न माझी ही माता रे
कथिल हे अगस्तिस आता रे, जो आचमनी एक क्षणी तुज प्याला
सागरा, प्राण तळमळला ...

2006-10-01T18:37:00.000+05:30

The only hardwired purpose is to exist and exist only, rest all is manmade.

2006-09-24T22:16:00.000+05:30

Adults transact and I stand there as a child adapted,
Fearing every moment and clutching reality, inhibited.

And they ignore me saying it’s immature, childish,
I cringe further, disabled of being exteriorly fiendish.

Established ways, parental rules, values and morals,
Stumble blocks, prisons, clipped wings and poisoned ambitions.

I free my substance and kindle my spark, contently acquiesced,
Then God stays with the natural child, ego states synchronized.

Heartless Sahyadri

2006-09-19T11:28:00.000+05:30

Its midday and Summer Sun is spreading its burning tentacles all across. You can’t make it to the mighty banyan shadow; it has already cast off of its leaves. I stop at a store looking for some chilled water but I come across parched throats and sun-baked faces. I see all birds perched atop a leaky tap which dribbled water at 1 drop per hour. I keep riding. My jacket, helmet and gloves are becoming stiff with dried up sweat. I see water and water vanishing everywhere on the road. This time I am taking the road to Mahabaleshwar from Poladpur, NH17. Every time I have done the reverse road, climb down thru Ambenali ghat section. This time I will ascend and that too against the elements.

The ghat ride starts now. It will be grueling for both Mastani and me. I could see her fuming and roaring in anguish. I stop within the first kilometer of the climb. The jacket and helmet are becoming unbearable now. I pack them and start another riding session. Not a soul all around, yup summers in Deccan are unbearable. There was no melting tar; there was no tar at all. The road was only pebbles, hot-gravel and potholes. I must have climbed some 900 ft now. The dried up valley accompanied me on the right side. Ohh man…riding without a helmet is almost impossible. My top, half balding floor is almost burning now and I should douse it in the helmet. The ride goes on and the milestone says another 800 ft climb is done. I am midway, between the deep valley and the mountain top, in the heart of the mighty Sahyadris.

Now onwards one will start to get a magnificent glimpse of majestic Pratapgad fort from the road. It overlooks the whole valley section with pomp and has always cast a shadow of fear and death for the enemies. The rugged terrain tears down your last remaining defense. A lone searing peak from Pratapgad will cut right thru. I have to stop now. On one side I see the peaks of Mahabaleshwar and on the other the domineering Pratapgad and I stand amidst them on a road in scorching heat, searching for peace… oops water. Surrender, Surrender, Surrender yourself it roars, Sahyadri at its heartless best and it is done. The ride keeps happening and I just ride along.

The climb of some 4000 ft is done. You are at the mountain top of Mahabaleshwar and the scenario changes completely. Mahabaleshwar welcomes you with green canopy and road tax for taxing roads, its green everywhere. The cool’th mellows me down and it was like coming back to life. First things first, I find a road side hotel and make way. I feel complete. Opposite things are complementary and I realize that now. Reaching the mountain top of peace and bliss is not that easy. It’s the grueling climb before that. It’s the journey that gives the real meaning to hill stations. It is the heartless Sahyadri which hides a paradise on its top but beware it is not for everyone, pass the test posed by it and then you are welcome. You will then realize that Sahyadri has a very grand heart.

Integral Anomaly.

2006-09-19T10:37:00.000+05:30

It’s a year today since that day and the same spirit is on high again. I again seek the freedom to soar high; high above the shallows and shackles. The purpose keeps calling me and all I can say is “I procrastinate”. The right time is here and I need to act on it lest it gets *integrated* with all other lost opportunities. A single integral anomaly, a cascading downfall or a compounding gain, I need to choose.

Sphere.

2006-09-11T09:06:00.001+05:30

The best gift mankind can get is power of manifesting ones thoughts. But do we have total control on our thoughts yet. It reminds me of Sphere, "the blackest holes are in the mind". I am realizing my nightmares these days, thinking about worst probabilities and finding them happening in reality. What if I choose to think what I need to!

2006-09-11T09:05:00.000+05:30

Something somewhere is made for you and most probably it’s China.

Vande Mataram.

2006-09-07T22:10:00.000+05:30

The centenary of Vande Mataram is nothing much to celebrate for my types now. The mantra that kindled the spark of Indian National Movement means nothing more than a song “composed” by A.R Rehman. Let me remind myself of the glorious moments we are losing somewhere to the euroamerican transmutation.

सुजलां सुफलां मलयजशीतलाम्
सस्य श्यामलां मातरंम् .
शुभ्र ज्योत्सनाम् पुलकित यामिनीम्
फुल्ल कुसुमित द्रुमदलशोभिनीम्,
सुहासिनीं सुमधुर भाषिणीम् .
सुखदां वरदां मातरम् ॥

सप्त कोटि कन्ठ कलकल निनाद कराले
द्विसप्त कोटि भुजैर्ध्रत खरकरवाले
के बोले मा तुमी अबले
बहुबल धारिणीम् नमामि तारिणीम्
रिपुदलवारिणीम् मातरम् ॥

तुमि विद्या तुमि धर्म, तुमि ह्रदि तुमि मर्म
त्वं हि प्राणाः शरीरे
बाहुते तुमि मा शक्ति,
हृदये तुमि मा भक्ति,
तोमारै प्रतिमा गडि मन्दिरे-मन्दिरे ॥

त्वं हि दुर्गा दशप्रहरणधारिणी
कमला कमलदल विहारिणी
वाणी विद्यादायिनी, नमामि त्वाम्
नमामि कमलां अमलां अतुलाम्
सुजलां सुफलां मातरम् ॥

श्यामलां सरलां सुस्मितां भूषिताम्
धरणीं भरणीं मातरम् ॥

English Translation:

Mother, I salute to thee!
Rich with thy hurrying streams,
bright with orchard gleams,
Cool with thy winds of delight,
Green fields waving Mother of might,
Mother free.

Glory of moonlight dreams,
Over thy branches and lordly streams,
Clad in thy blossoming trees,
Mother, giver of ease
Laughing low and sweet!
Mother I kiss thy feet,
Speaker sweet and low!
Mother, to thee I bow.

Who hath said thou art weak in thy lands
When swords flash out in seventy million hands
And seventy million voices roar
Thy dreadful name from shore to shore?
With many strengths who art mighty and stored,
To thee I call Mother and Lord!
Thou who saves, arise and save!
To her I cry who ever her foe drove
Back from plain and sea
And shook herself free.

Thou art wisdom, thou art law,
Thou art heart, our soul, our breath
Though art love divine, the awe
In our hearts that conquers death.
Thine the strength that nerves the arm,
Thine the beauty, thine the charm.
Every image made divine
In our temples is but thine.

Thou art Durga, Lady and Queen,
With her hands that strike and her
swords of sheen,
Thou art Lakshmi lotus-throned,
And the Muse a hundred-toned,
Pure and perfect without peer,
Mother lend thine ear,
Rich with thy hurrying streams,
Bright with thy orchard gleems,
Dark of hue O candid-fair

In thy soul, with jewelled hair
And thy glorious smile divine,
Loveliest of all earthly lands,
Showering wealth from well-stored hands!
Mother, mother mine!
Mother sweet, I bow to thee,
Mother great and free!

translated by Sri Aurobindo

Download the most recent tune for Vande Mataram (By Hemant Kumar, Film Anand Math, Encoded at 64KBPS

Forced Swim Test.

2006-09-04T22:20:00.000+05:30

Life is indeed a “forced swim test”. This is an experiment conducted for neurological and behavioral studies related to depression. The setup is like: Put a rat in a tub of water from where it can’t escape. The rat will keep swimming for sometime looking for ways. After a while it will give up and stay afloat till taken out. Now if the experiment is repeated on the same rat, the duration for which it keeps looking for ways will decrease. If the rat is put on some anti-depressants the duration can be increased. For humans you don’t need a tub of water, daily mundane life is *good* enough to test your staying power ;-) We too know that it is impossible to get out of it(alive), its inevitable but chaps who still keep swimming, looking for ways to get out do much better than folks who give up somewhere in the middle. And it’s just behavioral; truth is there is no way out so there can’t be a best way or not so good way, it’s just the attitude of never giving up. Its time now to have ever happy mice in the ever on rat race ;-)

Adieu Andre :(

2006-09-04T12:45:00.000+05:30

Monday morning can’t get any worse than this. Agassi you rocked all the way and hope you keep doing so.

"If I wanted to quit," Agassi said, "I would have done that a long time ago. I didn't come here to quit. ..."

Farewell Steve.

2006-09-04T12:28:00.000+05:30

It is very hard to believe that Steve Irwin is dead. He is the man who told me about the last traveling elephant, the lone tusker. I remember watching his documentary on Meru National Park. It was dusk time and he watched elephants bathing in a pond. It rained there after a very long time. Farewell Steve, you lived for your passion and you died for it. Rest in Peace and thanks for the wonderful moments, I will miss you.

Intellectual detachment.

2006-09-02T20:14:00.000+05:30

The previous post reminds me of Indian Sanyasi tradition; never let anything grow on you till you have no identity left. Detachment, physical, emotional and intellectual is the keyword here. Intellectual detachment is I believe the toughest of all and one could not even see it by clinging on to one particular school of thought. Getting rid of indoctrination would take the most time than getting rid of your emotional attachment to your personal favorite music system. It does not even stop there, the thing what I talk here cannot be seen nor quantified substantially, what does intellectual detachment really mean? I also feel like adding that being neutral towards any dogma, is a dogma in itself. This makes things more abstract and paradoxical. But why do we need intellectual detachment, why should one not even connect with his own reason? But would one not like to see everything without any prejudice or without being a devout person or being a nihilist or as an atheistic existentialist or as a rationalistic naturalist or any other ‘ist. The answer I tend to reach is watching like a kid, with a natural curiosity to know more.

Dude, I am playing around with some puzzling concepts. Can I try to define something against the already defined definitions?

A lone tusker, the last traveling elephant.

2006-09-02T20:13:00.000+05:30

The story is about the last traveling elephant, a lone tusker. He kept walking ‘a’ path for years all together and for ‘a’ purpose that no one could comprehend. He neither embraced nor chased off anyone who ever loved him. And this also meant beating many odds, the natural wraiths, his fickle mind and flagging strength. What would anyone do after crawling thru scorching heat in half dead situation, when an oasis is reached? I answer: stay there for rest of your time, but it does not go down well with this tusker, he chooses to keep walking. And he never cries about anything. He just lets out an earth shaking trumpet, a roar that makes everyone get acquainted to a new feeling, a dark fear. Alas he is an endangered species now and the one in this story is the last one, the last traveling elephant. I know that the next one is not coming to us any sooner.

Ganapati Bappa Moraya

2006-09-01T13:39:00.000+05:30

Source:http://www.ganeshfestival.com/dagdusheth.html
Celebration is not only the most vital part of Indian ethos but also the primal idea representing Indian culture. The 10 day Ganesha Festival in Maharashtra is a mere vestige of this fabric and yet one of the most mind blowing, vividly colorful and ecstatic celebrations you will ever experience. After 6 long years I am back in Pune and the atmosphere here is really charged up. The city stays awake all 10 days to celebrate each and every moment of the festivities. Life is indeed a very grand celebration and my friend rightly quotes here:
And that's why we Hindus lit the pyre.
Every end is full of sparks and fire.

Gulmohar

2006-08-28T20:36:00.000+05:30

Saffron, Amber, Flagrant Enthusiasm, Hope, Dynamism, Youthful Joy, Sensuality, Comforting Blossoms, Love on Fire, Glory in Sacrifice, Introspective Silence, Golden Dusk, Necromancers
Divination, Mahogany Canopy, Gulmohar!!

PhilOfficial...

2006-08-27T14:47:00.000+05:30

I happened to witness a few insightful dialogues in my workplace and I have this urge to post them here.

The Shepherd: “I have seen that you don’t like to work late”.
The Sheep: “No…No…No it’s not true.”
The Shepherd: “I can prove it, see on this day and that day and .........”
The Sheep: “No…No…No it’s not true, the truth is I don’t like to work at all”
The Shepherd: “ ”
The Shepherd: “*#^$^*%$*@”.

Here’s another between two dudes. Inspired by an *true* story – “Neo and the Spoon kid”.

Dude1: “Do you think that it is impossible to fix this bug, try to realize the truth instead”
Dude2: “What truth?”
Dude1: “That there ain’t no bug and you are just trying to fix yourself”

Grisha.

2006-08-27T14:42:00.000+05:30

I am getting a very heady feeling with all thoughts rushing thru and trying to get past as words. Many things happened during past few weeks. There’s this incident in Goa and there’s Grisha. Grisha has been one of the most inspiring reads currently. It doesn’t matter whether he accepted or rejected anything and for this purpose or another but he must speak now. I would be more interested to know about the darkest of his times when he was wedging his battle, all alone. There are certain times when each one of us is a continent of one. It should have been one of those hope against despair stories, which always instill a strong faith in human spirit. I would like to hear from him.

2006-08-11T14:34:00.000+05:30

To be fair is to choose “fair” people over the “unfair” ones :-?

I am Happy!!

2006-08-10T10:02:00.000+05:30

Paint my world pink and fill me green,
Tickle me yellow and mellow me earth,

Black and white a fleeting glimpse,
Streak of gleam and surprise,

The blush and smile a wonder,
Innocent charmer and alluring aroma,

Fond cuddle and the passing touch,
Ruby kiss my shimmering rainbow.

I am Happy :)

Estrangement

2006-07-28T22:05:00.000+05:30

Brick by brick the wall I build,
The fury, the shame and the painful guilt.
Her shadow fades as I gasp,
Her resistance mutes and I watch.

Hearts fluttering and tears rolling,
My wails holds on and a soul loosing.
Her blood fails and the love shatters,
Deep though the faith the connection rattles.

Blogger Blocked...

2006-07-18T13:36:00.000+05:30

Blogger has been blocked (must read) by some ISP's in India citing reasons like terrorists using it for communication. At home my BSNL proxy has already blocked it and in office I can only access the dashboard. But I think its time to make some alternate arrangement. Wordpress has been spared from this block. Just got my blog there. I feel things should take sometime to settle out.

Responsibilty

2006-07-16T00:34:00.000+05:30

Found a very good article by Paramhansa Sri Nityanand here: pasting it here as well.

When you live with the attitude that you are responsible for everything, your whole life will change. When you take up responsibility for everything that happens around you, you will start expanding.
Expansion is the only growth; contraction is death. The more responsibility you take up, the more you will expand and grow. You will become a leader.

Most of us wait for the status to descend on us and then take up the responsibility. Be very clear: Only if we take up responsibility, the status will come! People who wait for the status will not take up responsibility even after they get it. They will simply find another reason or excuse, that’s all. The person who passes the buck and relaxes will never progress in life.

Responsibility is consciousness. The moment you feel responsible for what is happening around you, that moment the divine energy will rush into you! These are all basic secrets of life that I am giving you.
As long as you are self-centered, you will be nothing more than a blocked bamboo stick that serves only to carry the corpse. When you shed your ego and stand up with responsibility, you will become the hollow bamboo that serves as a flute! Like how the air that enters the flute leaves it as music, the air that enters you will flow as energy! When you work with no feelings of responsibility, you will work and feel like a slave.

When you work with responsibility, your capacity will expand and you will flower and radiate energy. Your worries and sorrows will dissolve and all unfinished work will get finished. Umpteen excuses can be given for dodging responsibility, but they will remain poor excuses.

With responsibility, a new kind of joy will engulf you. You will become a natural leader and life will become a celebration! There is a beautiful story on Buddha: It is said that when Buddha goes to beg, he would appear as a King and the kings who gave him alms would appear as beggars!

Seeming like a beggar or a king is not in the wealth that you hold but in the state that is within you. When you take up responsibility for the entire cosmos, you will expand and look like a leader!

Feeling that you are responsible is the greatest quality you can possess. When you stand up with a sense of responsibility, a new intelligence will awaken in you!
Be Blissful!

Wisdom..

2006-07-06T20:38:00.000+05:30

खुप दिवस झाले पाऊस पडतोय आणि ती परत दिसली...
तरीही बरयाच दिवसांनी ऊन पडलया सारखे वाटले.

I felt different today…totally different...like glowing green and shining yellow...sometimes even the ignorant ones can open their mind and dance to the tunes of wisdom. Sapience you have me now.

Dissatisfaction the D-Factor.

2006-07-04T21:55:00.000+05:30

I took a random stroll around the world of entrepreneurs and found a striking truth cutting across the mental fibers of these spirits. One quality that lay hidden amongst all dominating “positive” values was Dissatisfaction. Yes dissatisfaction, a sense of incompleteness and a restlessness that knows no peace. I believe that if everyone would have been totally satisfied with what they had probably we would have never progressed. It is the internal dissatisfaction that drives people to take that one step forward.

When all people look to the positive side of any achievement they talk about perseverance, persistence and some more positive p’s. My pet dissatisfaction cringes in a remote corner. I designed a few telecom systems and learned one key thing, if I need to be a good designer I should be a pessimist. I should not ask and look for “why should it work” but ask “why should it not work”. It’s only then you will find some more reasons of failure and have a stable system. I need to be a pessimist here and this is something that never comes on any ones resume.

And if almost all people are dissatisfied then where do we find the real progress? I ask why and how much are you dissatisfied. Are you taking a stand just out of some moral reason or social pressure or prestige or just because you don’t know? I would measure it as D-Factor, a factor that determines the intensity. So tell me not that you are dissatisfied but that you are highly dissatisfied and I will be pleased.

Nobler deed.

2006-07-02T00:17:00.000+05:30

That day we were discussing about charity and a thought struck me. Which one is the greater good; a man having only 35 bucks donating 30 or man with 35 billion donating 30 billion? What is nobler or can there be no way of comparing as I am doing here. Yes the only difference I feel is there might be 100 such only-35-donating-30 guys out there but they never make it to the scoop.

Outsourcing Prisoners

2006-06-30T19:41:00.000+05:30

This idea just struck me out of blue one fine day. Outsourcing US prisoners to India!! let it join the current bandwagon of outsourcing.

So I got to do some real number crunching and found that US spends $5 billion p.a. for bureau of prisons, source and the Total Number of Inmates is: 190,922, source. So this works out as Expenditure per inmate: $26,000 per inmate/per annum. Now this does not include the initial cost put forward but it does not matter now, we are more concerned about that $5 billion.

I tried to find similar cost per inmate for India but could not find so. I think I might use the Information Act for the first time to get the statistics. But I am real confident that the expense per annum per inmate will not be 1 million bucks as compared to US dollar.

Which location is better than Andaman Cellular jail or similar facility on the islands. The location is great in terms of security and isolated from mainland India. There are definitely many ethical and legal issues pertaining to this. There is a issue about prison breaking. But lets imagine condition of a US guy who is serving under some contraband trade suddenly free on Andaman islands, I think he will face difficulties even procuring a days food leave alone contraband trading, which leaves him harmless in this current system. But there are also certain restrictions which I feel should be outlined:

1. The internationally acclaimed criminals and terrorists should not be allowed.
2. Only guys who do not need any retrials should be preferable.
3. People with whom India has hostile relationship should not be allowed.

I also feel that it should be made a model correction institute. We already have certain expertise in that and the implementation at Tihar jail is really commendable. The Art of Living also conducts a wonderful Prison Smart program. It should really attempt at reforming the individuals in a positive way.

The details can be cryptic but I think in a systemic perspective. I see this as an efficient system, it leaves everyone(US, India, Inmates) better off and no one worse off.

Hurray Voted Rudest!!

2006-06-21T09:34:00.000+05:30

A nice post by Sujit here about Mumbai being voted as the rudest city in the world. I feel there can be many different perspectives to this particular issue and have mentioned some as a comment.

Imagination!!!

2006-06-08T23:10:00.001+05:30

Imagination, it’s the word for this week. If we talk about an innovation, a paradigm shift we talk about imagination. If I were to choose between Rationalizing, Philosophizing or any other zing, I would choose to Imagine. It was imagination that made Harry Potter, Skywalker or Peter Pan real and larger than life. I believe Attitude, Hope, Persistence and similar positive associations fail to achieve the wilderness of Imagination. I choose to Imagine. If it’s like a pleasant surprise then I suppose we cannot quantify it, nor define a business process. Now where do you get this dope from, the one which suspends the reason for a while and let us believe that horses can fly. I yearn for that same state of mind which no school has taught me and can never do so. Perhaps it waits until the darkest of my mental constructs collapse under their weight and the dust clears up to show me the light.

The Undertaker.

2006-06-04T17:30:00.000+05:30

The sky seems scorched for one more time and murkier gets the horizon. I see the wild sanguinary wolves gnarling again and their claws drawn out waiting for another bloodied ravage.

The lines are drawn; there is dream, the dream of a society without any borders or barriers and there are dogmas, rituals & orthodox customs. There is youth and love pitted against the knife of rationality. The brew is thickening and spewing lot of dust. It now waits for that right impulse to explode with sparks and molten death.

What will be my job this time? Yes I know I am again the Undertaker, I will watch the gory carnage, count the amputated organs and clear the battlefield of the slain mortals. Eh…here they come, ravens and the vultures, it’s an omen of impending annihilation, let me go and get the coffins ready.

Rakesh Jhunjhunwala

2006-05-31T21:50:00.000+05:30

It’s the most opportune time now when India should see some latest avatara of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, Warren Buffett or Benjamin Graham entering the arena.

Now let’s take a good stock of Infosys Technologies, if Sita would have bought 100 shares during its IPO in Feb 1993 at 95 rupees each, she will have 6400 shares today figuring all the bonuses Infy offered, priced at average 3000 rupees each. BEWARE the bottomline WILL make you feel dizzy. That makes it rise from Rs. 9500 to Rs. 19.2 Million and that’s 200,000% appreciation over a period of 13 years. If you can come up with something better than this please let Mr. Narayana Murthy know about it.

I am sure our very own brand new Rakesh Jhunjhunwala is already crunching numbers and betting high on bourses. I know he must definitely be watching the whole show, analyzing, strategizing and making his steady moves. Andy Dufresne it will really appeal to your meticulous nature. An ice age here, million years of mountain building there. And that's all it takes really, pressure, and time.

Phaedrus

2006-05-26T22:55:00.000+05:30

It rained here today-for the first time this season. I got drenched and as usual darkness gripped me. It was a hot sultry day in Miami that afternoon. We skipped South beach and headed towards Boca Raton followed by a long drive to a friends University. I was muttering something like “historical darkness of anonymity”, “inconsequential” and my friends were absolutely clueless. Pain was biting sharply and I remember guys comforting me. The fury growing darker and guilt tearing my flesh apart, I was glued to the seat. I again met myself today and I remembered that I killed some butterflies as a kid. Have you ever wondered what babies talk to each other or when two tiny tots meet? Shrouded figures zipped past and a cold contour enveloped. It has stopped raining now but its not over yet. The clouds will smother for a while now, growl and dazzle but wont pour, they can’t.

2006-05-26T11:42:00.000+05:30

I am a black sheep feigning as a dark horse ;-)